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Missions 101

My Template For Dealing with Conflict With Christians

Apr. 22, 2015By: Darren CarlsonAuthor Bio


Here are eleven things I tell myself when in conflict with other Christians.

  1. The person I am in conflict with is someone for whom Christ died. God loves this person. (Read Romans 8 with this person in mind).
  2. I don’t assume the other person has bad motives but is operating from a pure heart.
  3. Labeling them as proud is not a good starting point and is probably a sign that I am proud.
  4. Chances are I am wrong about something and need to examine myself (Jer 17:9).
  5. I probably do not have all the facts (Prov 18:17). I need to hear more than one side of the issue.
  6. Sometimes it is much better to overlook an offense (Prov 19:11).
  7. I need to own my responsibility for the conflict and confess it to them. The chances of having a log in my own eye are pretty good (Mt 7:3-5).
  8. I need to treat them the way I would want to be treated. Or better yet, treat them the way I would want someone to treat my children.
  9. Escaping through denial or flight is not an option. I must go and be reconciled (Mt 5:23-24).
  10. I might need to bring someone in, not to gossip, but to give me perspective and potentially mediate the situation (Mt 18:16).
  11. If they ask for forgiveness, I need to give it to them. Peacemakers is helpful here. I am promising:

a. Not to dwell on the incident

b. Not to bring the incident up and use it against them

c. Not to talk to others about the incident

d. Not to allow the incident to stand between us or hinder our relationship

Could this list be longer? Of course. Some conflicts are complicated and at times it seems impossible for their to be a breakthrough. This is just a good place for me to start.

Darren Carlson is the Founder and President of Training Leaders International.  As President, Darren oversees the general direction of the ministry and serves as an advocate for pastors with little access to formal training and thoughtful cross-cultural theological engagement. You can connect with him on Facebook and Twitter

Tags:  conflict, reconciliation, forgiveness
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